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Simply Marvelous Things.

I think the reason some people call me childish is partially because of my ability to marvel at simplest things in life, the way children marvel, because the world is new to them. I get so fascinated with the way falling leaves form a strange pattern on the ground, with how my relationship with each one of my friends is so unique and tender, with how the simple sounds we form in our throats are combined in words that make sense, with differences and similarities between languages... Sometimes when I walk into a place I know so well, I look at it as if I've never seen it before; you should try that - it is quite an interesting experience.


Addictions.

I get addicted to music, books, and people the way others do to drugs. It's the easiest with music: I simply listen to it over and over again, for hours and days and weeks to the point when I'm so fed up with it I can't stand it anymore.
Now books, each book I become addicted to disrupts my world and I become entangled in its philosophy and its universe. It gives me new ideas to walk around and take a look at them from different sides; it adds to my understanding of humans and the world we live in. And of course I need to read and read the book in question, and my behavior when I've finished reading that book strongly resembles that of a junkie who's been deprived of his/her/its fix.
Addiction is most complicated with people, because it resembles a crush, in terms that I feel happy when I talk to them, I want to look at their faces, touch them, I'm perfectly content just to be in their company. The difference, however is that I am not erotically attracted to them, nor is such fixation confined to opposite gender (in my case, guys). My addiction transcends gender, age and blood relationship. It is also the gentlest: I do not get entirely moody and deprived when I don't see the object of my addiction.
Of course I am quite choosy when it comes to addictions: the object of my addiction has to be beautiful, though not necessarily in physical sense. I'm not going to pretend and say that I am not attracted to physically beautiful people, but if that is all they have to offer, then they will hold my fascination for about 5 minutes, and then I am going to get bored. However, I don't do mainstream. I never become addicted to mainstream music, almost never to mainstream books, and rarely to mainstream (i.e. normal) people. By normal, of course, I mean the ones that move in life according to society's rules and traditions, act like they are supposed to, and have not a single original thought in their heads.
Usually my addictions do not last very long. As soon as I've heard, read, and know pretty much everything about a band, a book, or a person, I get bored and my fascination dies. If a peson keeps evolving, however, if he/she/it constantly gets new ideas, thinks, experiences new things, then he/she/it will always be a new and fascinating person. Which is why I'm addicted to most of my friends.



Things that make me happy.

Hugs, long talks with my friends and parents, long-winded arguments about eternity, good and evil, etc.; completely upsetting dull people's world, running through a forest with my dog early in the morning, looking at sun's reflection in a creek or a river, sitting at the bonfire in the evening staring at the flames; getting letters, giving perfect presents, getting a tiny surprise gift; deeply intelligent people, animals (mammals mostly).



Things I'm horrified of.

War (above all), stupid people with power, being stupid myself, snakes and sharks, and betrayal.



Things I Want For The Heck Of It
(or things I don't really need, but that would make me extremely happy).

Bands That Will Stay In My Heart (And My Stereo) Forever.

BEATLES
DEPECHE MODE
KULA SHAKER
Massive Attack
Mashina Vremeni (Russian band)
DDT (also Russian)
Tori Amos
Interview with the Vampire Soundtrack (yesh, not a band, but anyway)
Oh, did I mention DEPECHE MODE? ;)
Vivaldi
Afro-Celt Sound System
Manau
Radiohead



Just Because.

I once saw a man playing on a saxophone right out there on the street, and he wasn't begging for money. He was just playing it for the heck of it, just to share his mood with everybody. Made my day. _Really_ made my day.



Why Me?

You know, I really wonder sometimes, why do people love me? I mean, I understand my family - they are pretty much stuck with me, so they might as well love me and make everybody's life easier, but it really puzzles me that total strangers seem to like me after brief exposure to my obnoxiousness and pixy-ness. Really, they don't have to like me or things I do, they don't even have to talk to me again, but they seem to find something worth their while in me. I'm not trying to be cute, and I am aware that if people want to be my friends, they must think I'm cool or something, but I really don't understand how it's possible.



My Anthem.

This song explains a lot about me, I think, so I've chosen it as my anthem.

When She's Not There. (translation)
(by Andrey Makarevich)


She loves all the sick and homeless dogs
And doesn't want to stand people;
The night is open for her and she doesn't need the day.
She likes to walk into sunset, though the sunrise always awaits.
So why can't you find peace when she's not there?

  She wanders the city, following the rain,
Forever changing her course;
And you cannot spot her anywhere.
She can say, 'till tomorrow!' and then disappear for several years.
So why can't you find peace when she's not there?

She is all by herself, she does not want to hide
Even the most simple things,
So sad that the night became faceless without her.
So sad that her voice has dissolved as smoke of her cigarettes.
So why can't you find peace when she's not there?







PS. Cigarette part is about the only one that doesn't fit me ;)
PPS. My pixies are always dancing to this song. They love it.






I also have some OPINIONS. I put them here. Some of them may offend people, and you have warned.



All Images Copy-Right Tanya Kozik.

Faery Land My PixiesGoth Art - needs no explanation, I think. If it does, you're not the right person to look at itThe Wheel of Time Art -portraits of my favorite characters and folk fashions.ElfQuest-inspired art. Art inspired by various musicFantasy Characters - portraits I did for various people, as well as portraits of characters, such as Galadriel or Raistlin.Characters Up for Grabs - yep, these are kinda generic portraits that you can use for your RPG - just ask firstStories - concept sketches of story ideas in my head, as well as stories by other people.General Fantasy Art.PhotographyReality Lapse - twisted page where weird things happen. Opinions
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